I decided to continue my journal of faith, namely because I find things very difficult in my life lately. While in perspective and relativity, the troubles I face these few months can be considered small, yet I feel very overwhelmed with what is happening. Nothing disastrous has happen in my life, but these few months and the coming months are really busy. I was recently promoted to a manager end of last year, having to fill in pretty large shoes left behind by my previous manager. On top of that , I was also "Promoted" in CHOICE to be the state coordinator. This has brought on a lot of new responsibilty in the past 6 months, with 9 more months of the year to go .
I am already very burnt out , and I now go through the day, where I can't motivate myself to get out of Bed. I have to deal with work problems, ranging from raging bosses, difficult clients, training new analyst, HR issues, basically a day to day of fire fighting. In CHOICE , it is also similar. This year calendar is pack and my biggest worry is the service team. Alot of the seniors have left, and now only the current weekend co-ordinator is running things. It iis difficult for her to cope, so I am also still very involved in the service team .
Last week was the worst, where I really felt like breaking down and crying. It was the culmination of a horrible week, where I was dealing with a lot of personal matters. My sister was unloading her personal problems with her siblings on to me , and dragging me into the conflict. My car was bump from behind, resulting in my car trunk being flooded when it rains. I am worried sick about the preparations for CHOICE 83. I am co-ordinating with various sub teams in CHOICE to get things moving ini thier relevant teams. I had various office issues to deal with , such as starting a new project, having a new analyst on board, proposing new projects. I was / am struggling to balance time with family, friend , Choice and work .. all these "Yokes" culminated last week, and I was rushing to depart for a holiday to Hong Kong on Friday Morning 3 am , of which I was completely unprepared. Basically it was a shitty and crappy past few weeks, and it was just too much to bear.
During my short trip to Hong Kong, I originally planned to attend cantonese mass ( which i will not be able to understand) in a church behind my hotel. Due to my travelling companions change in timing, our itenary got swap around leaving it difficult for me to go for Mass on Sunday at St Benedict (behind my hotel) . I decided that I'll just simply look for a church around any area I was in on Saturday Evening ,and attend sunset mass there. As we didn't plan our Saturday Itenary, where we landed up ono Sunday evening was pretty much on random . I checked my list and found a church in the area, and it so happen to be a minute walking distance from where we were.
God certainly has a mysterious way of working.. and the chain of events, lead me to an English Mass in the Church of St Anne. It was Vocation Sunday. It struck me so strongly the messages that came out of the readings and the Gospel . The homily and hymns sent another strong message to me. It was a very emotional Mass for me. I was very tired, emotionally, spritually and physically... and God told me to go to him . He is my shepherd.. He lead me to St Anne's, so that I may hear his word in a language I understood, His messages, and that I could seek St Anne's Intercession
I felt guilty for the troubles i was going through, I also felt guilty for delaying in my decision on vocation, I felt guilty at my frustration. I felt guilty for not being Christ like, But yet I also felt His love around me. I felt comforted , and that He wanted me to know He Knew, what I was going through. .
He brought me to St Annes, for a reason......
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30)
