How many times have we heard people saying God doesn't talk to us. I've heard this many times from friends who say that God is silent in their everyday lives. Yet I think, it is us who choose to ignore Him. We get too caught up in today's rat race , that we failed to see the many times He has approached us, to let us know He is there, watching us, and reaching out to us. I think we are the ones who have built up our barriers, so that we fail to notice when he subtly speaks to us. We tend to expect the booming voice in the sky , or maybe even an email from Him.. but honestly he knows what really speaks to us, and he sends his messenger to us, in ways that works best with us. Only thing is , we do not attribute it to Him , but to selfishly to our friends, or even ourselves when we figured out our problems.
I have 2 experience which I can easily say , He spoke to me, to tell me what is important, and to put aside my hurt. Here is my sharing.
1. In 2006 , our BEC once again push the burden of organizing our BEC christmas party to the youth. Me being the youth leader, tried to say that we were too busy , but there were some who were so adament that we organize it, because the older BEC members didn't have the time.Despite saying no, it was decided we had to organize it. I was personally too busy during the christmas period, with many things to handle, and events to attend. I was angry at them, on how selfish they were to not listen to us youth, and just to make use of us. I was fuming over this for a few days, particularly angry at a certain person. I attended mass feeling this anger, and when driving back I was still thinking back ,and feeling really angry.
All of a sudden, while driving back , I saw a sticker on the car infront of me I have never noticed this particular sticker before, and have rarely seen it. All it said was "Jesus Loves You" . At that moment, i just felt so humble, so ashamed of myself. There I was , feeling sorry for myself, and how unfair I have been treated, that I forgotten, all bout celebrarting the birth of Jesus. I forgot it was all bout the love of Jesus, and I could only think about myself. This message came to me, because Jesus, wanted me to know that He loves me, especially when I was feeling so angry and used. Immediately my anger and resentment dissapeared. I told myself that I am organizing this party for Him, to celebrate His coming. Organizing this party is my service , my sacrifice for him. I can organize parties for my friends, but I grumble when I have to organize one for Him .
2. In 2007, after a heated debate in a Church Ministry meeting, I was feeling very angry at a particular person .. I felt that this person, has no idea of what we do in the ministry, but still wants to interfere with our work. He tends to give difficult suggestions, but has never offered to get his hands dirty in doing the work. So essentially he makes life difficult for us, using the excuse that it will be easier on the "bigger picture". I was angry at the committee for their silence, and the chairperson, for not reigning in the meeting , and making a decision. My team, could sense the anger boiling beneath my surface and I was thinking alot of "not so nice things" I could do to this person. I went back praying to overcome this, for directions ,for guidance, and the graces to forgive.
I was still fuming the next day, even when I met with my team mates. Then when sending on of my team mates to the LRT station to catch the last train back , she shared a meditation on that day's reading. The coincedence of the day's reading and sharing was unbelievable, and it spoke directly to my heart, to what I was feeling and what I should do. He died on the Cross , so that our sins could be forgiven, Can't I simply forgive for such a simple matter...
- Matthew 5:20-26
"At first glance, Jesus’ words about anger seem very harsh. Surely he wouldn’t put my anger on the same level as murder! Wouldn’t he understand if I received Communion today, but put off reconciling with my brother or sister for a while longer? For the answer, we have to take a good look inside our hearts. Anger is a normal human emotion, but as with all other emotions, we should never let it control our thoughts and actions. Just a brief look at the consequences of unchecked anger shows us how destructive it can be: domestic abuse, divorce, road rage, rape, and murder. Even hidden anger can be deadly. Concealed beneath the façade of a smile and a pleasant demeanor, it can lead to patterns of pride, jealousy, judgment, and gossip.
We can’t afford to overlook the resentments, judgments, or criticisms we may be holding against other people. We can try to keep these feelings within us and even dismiss them as not really threatening anyone. But sooner or later, we will have to deal with them, even if the person against whom we have these feelings has long left our lives. The anger we have ignored can be like a poison meant for someone else—which we’ve swallowed ourselves! This poison of bitterness and hostility can cast a shadow over us, contaminating our relationships, and even becoming the darkened lenses through which we view the whole world.
Jesus is very clear about asking us to reconcile with one another. He is the God of peace, and he wants us to bring that peace to others (Philippians 4:9). As we let the Holy Spirit work in us, healing us and resolving our inner conflicts, we will find it easier to live in harmony with everyone, even those who have hurt us in the past. Consider eleven-year-old Maria Goretti, who had this to say about her assailant as she lay dying: “May God forgive him! I want him in heaven!” Such mercy and passion is possible only with the grace of God. So if you need help forgiving someone, turn to the One who died so that you yourself might be forgiven!
“ ‘Lord, you have probed me and you know me!’ Shine your light into my heart, and show me where I am wounded by anger and resentment. Come, Holy Spirit, and burn away all bitterness in the fire of your love!”"
